Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
