Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
