I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You took a bar mat shot.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
