Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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