I never want to see another naked old woman again.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
