why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
