I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
