This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
