college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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