His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
