I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
