i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
