my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
