There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
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