Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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