I feel like abortions should bother me more
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
