Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
