You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
