I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize