Don't you send me to vm
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Randomize
