Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
