East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
