I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
