Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
