i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
