Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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