dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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