I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
