whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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