sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
