I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
