And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
