i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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