Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
