my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
