I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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