I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
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