last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
