my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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