so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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