i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
