K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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