Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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