She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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