New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
