I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
