i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
