I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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