You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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