there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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