i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
