I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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