omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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