Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
