I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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