I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
