It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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