I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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