YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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