drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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