yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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