Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
