it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
