if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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