CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
