I need help removing her.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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