He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
