Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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