just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
