I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
