we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
