You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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